Confession, Part II: A Response

A heart beats faintly
The last whisper questioning who you see...

Do I believe it could be me?

Hiding so long behind the rubble of despair
Unwilling to utter a single syllable in prayer
Consoling the grief, clothing the nakedness of which I am now aware

How long have I sustained this life with vanity?
A cup of self-righteous religiosity

Underneath it all, knowing
This is NOT the intention
Set In Place for me

So afraid of being truly seen
Every despised blemish exposed to
Rejection and Mockery

So,

Here's my shame and treachery
Here's the guilt that's condemned me
Laid bare now for the WORLD to SEE

I refuse these lies I have believed
No longer a pawn of the enemy
Bound with the fear of my undeniable depravity

So,

Think what you want, judge what you see
Kick me out into the streets
Love or despise me

Desperation DEMANDS I live in reality

I take a stand

I will be, I must be, the voice of those we do not see

The voice of the children who have been left

The voice of the lost, to who hope is a defect

CHOSEN

Not for who I am, what I've done, or what I will become

BUT BECAUSE

He First Chose Me

Here is my confession, my imperfections and vulnerability
Here is my heart, a restless hope, desperate for things unseen

Interlude: Part I

Sing the songs, say the simple prayer
Stand and say "amen" in the conditioned air

How do i mean it from my heart
When sometimes i don't feel a thing

How intense is my "i love you"
When sacrifice is trumped by complaceny

Once my love was pure, my hopes ran high
I was unabashed to say, "you will never be denied"

Now, I stand with believers in a room resounding with praise
I stand as I always have, honoring Your name

Yet my mind wanders to the question lingering:
How much longer will I trust, a God who hides his face from me?

What does it take to leave this place of pomp and circumstance
To corridors unseen, where only servants pass?

I've grown tired of waiting in the splendor of your golden halls
Give me rags for riches, let me be the least of all

I've been told I'm like a daughter, by children who do not speak
Save my heart from slaughter; don't flatter with words you do not mean

I will not crave your praise, when mine has been so empty
I will not ask for your embrace; I will not hide my jealousy

Here is my confession, my imperfections and vulnerability
Here is my heart, hope deferred, faith unseen